I knew it was too good to be true. Now, don't get me wrong. My boyfriend has always been a sensitive guy. I like that about him. I don't mind the fact that he constantly wears pastels and occasionally enjoys wearing my nighties when we have sex. But there's being sensitive and then there's just being a massive gay. And he's treading dangerously close to the line.
I knew something was up when some of my make-up mysteriously went missing about a month ago. I didn't think much of it until a week later when I noticed what appeared to be the remnants of mascara on my boyfriend's eyes. I tried to overlook it. I mean, plenty of boys wear makeup, right? That's not weird. It's just rock and roll. No big deal. My boyfriend isn't a raging homosexual. He's just avant guarde. This is what I told myself anyway.
However, my gay-dar came into affect again about two weeks ago when we went on a date to see Sex and the City, and (surprise surprise) he cried through the entire thing. And I'm not talking teary-eyed either. I'm talking full on, nose sniffling, giant gasps of breath sobbing to the point where the people next to us kept going, "Sshhhh! Ssshhh!" (Which was actually more annoying than the crying itself. Why do people always fail to realize this?)
Anyway, I tried to put the waterworks out of my mind, but then I opened this month's issue of i-D to find this picture (see above) of him in full makeup (probably mine) looking all seductive as if he's saying, "Hello gay men everywhere. Look how sexy I am! I'm gay too. Let's get together and do gay things- things that don't involve vaginas whatsoever, because I find those super gross." Ugh. I'm freaking out.
So what am I supposed to do? Ignore it? Pretend it never happened? Should I buy a strap-on and offer to wear a fake mustache and put on a man's voice? I'm seriously confused. Is it me? Am I so repulsive that I've turned him onto men forever? Why God? WHY?
7 comments:
okay, it's probably time to count your underwear incase they start going missing and beware if he wants to dress up as a girl for a party.
the words are also good darling, but this one is extra funny.
"Dog Egg"
I thought I was the most surrealistic ever but this is cream.
You could ignore it, but he's going to have to end up telling you someday.
You could ignore it, but he's going to have to end up telling you someday.
not you he's just gay probably born that way your understanding and kind to offer the strap on and mustache lol there are no vaginas on the mind of gay men
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